This is going to take some unpacking, so please bear with me.
Social media was up in arms a few years ago over a quote circulating on various platforms (and misattributed to Lao Tzu, author of the Tao te Ching). It said:
"If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."
There are conflicting stories around the origins of the quote. Still, many people felt that it diminished the experiences of people struggling with mental health issues - relegating their pain to a choice - something they can switch off - or have control over. These are, of course, valid reasons for taking umbrage. I have come to know from profoundly personal experience that the simple embracing of a quote cannot cure depression, anxiety or any other mental health condition. If that were the case, and Lao Tzu had said this in his most famous text, I would have been cured in 2008 when I first bought my copy of the Tao te Ching. In isolation, the quote is about as helpful as Marcus Aurelius' proclamation that:
"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts."
Marcus Aurelius was alive in the second century AD. While I don't know the origins of the first quote, I cite both of these now because, on my journey, I realised that there is a common thread amongst many beliefs, philosophies, doctrines, ideologies, credos or tenets. That common thread is mindfulness, something that has existed since time immemorial. From the Stoics to biblical references, ancient mysticism to modern-day self-help gurus, the virtues of practising mindfulness are identifiable in myriad texts. As I considered the alternatives to prescribed medication, I kept coming back to this one thing. Challenging as it may be, mindfulness makes the most sense to me, and I decided to start focusing on it. Or, at least, try to.
Much like ceasing medication, the last time I went to a therapy session was in 2021. Therapy is beneficial because it offers a non-judgmental space to express oneself. I don't currently feel a desperate need to speak to someone because, while the sessions provided an opportunity for catharsis, none of them propelled me forward in terms of healing or adequately managing my conditions. Ultimately, I think this management rests firmly in my hands. I did take one thing away from the last series of therapy sessions I had, though, and it involved three magic words: cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Circling back to the divisive quote that opened this blog post, I wanted to examine the quote within the context of both cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness.
Google cognitive behavioural therapy or mindfulness, and you'll be met with a multitudinous amount of mental health and wellness links that describe the treatments. Many of these links are from medical associations and national health authorities. CBT is defined as a talking therapy geared toward regulating one's problems by altering how one thinks and behaves. Citing one of the treatment's three core principles, The American Psychological Association states that:
"Psychological problems are based, in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking."
Mindfulness is defined as an awareness of one's thoughts and reactions as a means of modulating responses to events and is, per Psychology Today:
"...a modified form of cognitive therapy that incorporates mindfulness practices that include present moment awareness, meditation, and breathing exercises."
The two therapies have an obvious common thread: the regulation of thought and where it can sometimes take us. The basis of the quote rests with its final point: "If you are at peace, you are living in the present." In his influential book The Power of Now, Eckart Tolle refers to the 'present' as the 'now'. His work is a crucial text in self-help literature, and he will have a dedicated blog post in the coming weeks.
When looking at the human condition to lament the past, the first part of the quote makes sense (at least to me - and not in isolation) because I know from experience that, more often than not, reflecting on past trauma increases the severity of my depression. Similarly, thinking about entirely baseless future (unfailingly worst-case) scenarios escalates my anxiety to a debilitating degree. Having said this, the whole idea of living in the present moment is hugely appealing to me. When my brother, Raoul, first shared the contentious quote with me, it struck a nerve (in a good way). In retrospect, this is likely because I had slowly started embracing the mindfulness approach as a means to temper my depression and anxiety. My reaction does not indicate a consensus, though, and I do not expect the quote to hold the same meaning for anyone else.
"If someone tells you they have counted every grain of sand in the desert, believe them. If they tell you they have counted every drop of water in the ocean, believe them. But, never believe anyone who tells you they have conquered the mind." (Unknown)
The above quote is one of the many gems I learned from my father. Unfortunately, I do not know its exact origin, so if anyone reading this has verifiable information on where it's from, please comment on this post or send me a message, and I'll update it. I've included the quote in this post because the challenge of practising mindfulness lies herein, and it is the near, though not impossible, task of conquering one's mind.
Try as I might, I have stumbled so many times. Traversing one's way through mental health struggles is like walking neck-deep through the thickest, coldest, most unforgiving mud. You're trying to get out of it, but you can't. So, you sit in it, and a lot of the time, it becomes comfortable and familiar. If you're lucky, eventually something sparks - you're met with a moment (or moments), sometimes days or weeks of inspiration, and you try again - you try to make your way through the mud, which feels a little easier to pass through, even if for a short time. These spikes can happen depending on the stage of my cycle, whether I have read a piece of stirring literature or had an extended period of smooth sailing where I wasn't besieged with the anxiety that my depression thrived on. My focus began to shift to ways in which I could make those spikes last longer and to try to get to a place where they're elevated for extended periods so that the depressive or anxious periods became shorter. I have come to understand and accept that to gain any ground; I would need to be as unrelenting in my pursuit as the mud is unforgiving.
In 2018, after my brother shared another quote with me (thanks, Raoul), I discovered an eye-opening book by an author who helped me connect some pretty hard-hitting dots. If this was a lightbulb moment, it took six years for the light to reach me. One of the dots that would resonate among the many pearls of wisdom imparted in this author's work was the notion of comfort and familiarity amidst mental health struggles. And just like that, I got to the root of the problem.
If you're interested in learning more about CBT and MBCT, the link buttons at the bottom of this page will take you directly to the two sites referenced above. Of course, there are many other helpful sites available on the internet.
#Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #Wellbeing #SelfHelp #Mindfulness #BodyMindSoul #Books #Awareness #EckhartTolle
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