Healing. Not 'healed', not 'going to heal' but healing. We're a work in progress, and as I prepare for the final post of my 12-week challenge (and for 2024), it's with the knowledge that I have a lot more work to do.
Though James Clear may disagree, some say it takes twenty-one days to form a habit.
This is my nineteenth post, and it has been seventeen weeks since I launched this website.
By that estimation, and given that I haven't missed a week, the habit of committing to this blog has been strengthened five times over. There were weeks where doubt crept in - laziness and procrastination too - but I kept going, devoted to the Sunday post in a way that I hadn't committed to anything in a long time. I count this as a win.
Twelve weeks ago, in my post, It's in the little things...; I undertook a twelve-week challenge to adopt a new habit every week, holding myself accountable to you, the reader, every step of the way. Have I faltered over the last few weeks? Of course, I have. Have I picked myself up? Most of the time, yes.
As I started writing this week's post, I reflected on the past year, and a Queen Elizabeth II quote sprung to mind. The late monarch said: "1992 is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasure. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an Annus Horribilis". I resolved several months ago that I would not label 2024 a bad year. I may joke about it being so, but I haven't attached the word horrible to this year with any degree of seriousness. At face value, my year had a few stinkers regarding life experiences. I had the displeasure of having a protracted six-month dental procedure (an implant), I had my gall bladder removed, I contracted Covid, my house went onto the market and failed to sell, and when it eventually did, I went through one of the most stressful house moves ever to befall anyone. Add to that other, more personal challenges that have exacerbated both my anxiety and depression, and it would be easy to describe 2024 as an "annus horribilis". To label the year this way, though, would be an affront to the mindfulness literature I have worked through over the last twelve months. The books I worked through have provided me with tools to reframe my life's experiences.
"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." (C.S Lewis)
It was horrible to break my tooth while on holiday and then come home to several thousand dollars worth of dental bills. It was horrible to spend hours in agonising pain before being taken by ambulance to the hospital to have one's gall bladder removed. It was horrible to contract Covid slap-bang in the middle of having to pack up a house. But do these individual events warrant labelling 2024 as an awful year? No, it doesn't.
Dealing with these down periods in life while working through the ever-present downer that is anxiety and depression certainly wasn't fun, but these life events will not define my 2024. I came across an incredible post on @Daniel_Lee_Woodrum's Instagram page that shows a clip that demonstrates how life's ups and downs can take us further, and it is spot on. Yes, I had some pretty low moments, but I also got to go home for the first time in thirteen years, which meant seeing loved ones I hadn't seen in too long. I visited my adopted family in Italy and attended the most beautiful wedding ever. In challenging financial times, I remain employed. My overall health is good, and I have the love and support of my family. I have faltered in the previous twelve weeks and picked myself back up—life's ups and downs in plain view. And it has strengthened me. So, if not horrible, what label do I attach to 2024?
It was a year of lessons. I have learned. Some of the lessons may have been brutal teachers, but I have come to accept that life is a series of good and bad, and the key is to remain balanced no matter if you're in a peak or trough. I have realised that the depth of knowledge and insight in books - mindfulness and self-help books particularly - are endless, and the last seventeen weeks have only scratched the surface. This habit of consistent commitment to self-help literature is the proverbial fence around the crop that encourages growth. While I have taken away so many valuable lessons and insights from the books, I know what I read next will reinforce it and strengthen my resolve to heal and pursue that ideal I am after...
Coming Up Next Week
I'm on a two-week break, and my next post will be on Sunday, 12th January 2025. I originally planned to work through Dennis Greenberger and Christine A. Padeksy's book Mind Over Mood in 2024, but the books didn't align in the way that I'd hoped, so I will save this one for next year. Mind Over Mood is a practical guide through cognitive behavioural therapy, so I think I'll approach it as I did with the Atomic Habits footnotes and detail my CBT journey over the weeks it will take me to work through the book. I will also work through another book at the same time
FOOTNOTE: Atomic Habit 12
"Make your first and last thought of the day one of gratitude." Gary Hensel
I've never really thought about gratitude in the way that it is written about in self-help and mindfulness literature. I was raised always to say please and thank you, so from a basic manners perspective, I express gratitude. I am also extremely grateful that my dental and gall bladder surgery was successful, that I recovered from Covid unscathed, and that my house sold when it did. However, self-help, motivational and mindfulness authors promote a different, deeper kind of gratitude. It's an all-consuming, permeable thankfulness that one seemingly needs to wear like a second skin - it is such a permanent fixture in one's life. I mentioned Gary Hensel's book I Am in my Spoiler Alert... I read it a few weeks ago. It's not a book like the others I have worked through but rather a compilation of pithy quotes, which I eventually wrote into a notebook for easy reference (they're that good). It was a quick read, and the night I finished the book, I undertook to express gratitude more mindfully and regularly. So, my new atomic habit is to give thanks when I wake up and go to sleep. When I mentioned Hensel's book, I included the following quote: "I Am: Two Of The Most Powerful Words, For What You Put After Them Shapes Your Reality."
I am a lot of things. I am healing, I am a work in progress, I am better off than I was six months ago, and I am still enthused by the promise of this self-help journey. As I type these last blog sentences for 2024, I am grateful to have come this far - grateful for life's ups and downs that have provided me with lessons, no matter how brutal, and I am grateful that I have the means to choose my path concerning the management of my mental health. Finally, I am looking forward to continued growth in 2025.
NEED HELP?
The following paragraph came up as a Facebook memory from 2017. A couple of nights ago, I mentioned to my Mom and sister that, several years prior (on New Year’s Eve), I had one of my most challenging mental health days. Thankfully, I have never contemplated self-harm, but at the peak of my depression (around twenty years ago), I called Lifeline (in South Africa) on Christmas Eve just to talk to someone. These helplines are also lifelines for many people dealing with depression and anxiety and are a crucial service. If you're in New Zealand and need help, reach out to the number below and remember that #YouAreNotAlone
"One of the most difficult moments of the year to experience depression is about to arrive. People are quick to say, "if you need anything, don't hesitate, I'll be there to help you" and yet most of that is a challenge for those people to follow through with. Let's help raise awareness of depression and all mental health issues. Simply copy it off my wall and paste... Comment "kua tau" or "Done" when you post it on your wall. Facebook friends please copy and repost? I'm doing this to show that someone is always listening. Suicide Crisis hotline: 0508 TAUTOKO (0508 828 865) or 1737 from your mobile and either call or text.
#mindfulness #selfhelp #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma
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