Family

"I don't cry because we've been separated by distance, and for a matter of years. Why? Because for as long as we share the same sky and breathe the same air, we're still together" (Donna Lynn Hope)

Life's Path

I've lived in New Zealand for almost sixteen years. When I first visited the country in 2004, I stayed for three weeks and knew that I'd be heading back home to South Africa at the end of the holiday. At that time, New Zealand didn't feel anything like home. Back then, the balance of my (immediate) family across the two countries was more or less equal: five in New Zealand and five in South Africa. What my home country had, however, was many beloved extended family members and a few very good friends. But the balance soon began to shift.

By 2005, my sister, Shereen, had also relocated to Auckland. Six months later, her children, Jody and Amber (then eighteen and fifteen respectively), had left Cape Town to join their mother. My Mom had also started splitting her time between the two cities, so, for three years, I spent a considerable time alone, were it not for my (beloved) youngest nephew, Jason, whom I got to see almost every second week and the extended family that had become such an integral source of support for me. This shift in balance gave me a great deal of food for thought - especially given that I was single and children were looking less and less likely for me. After my visit in 2004, I travelled back to holiday with the family in 2006, then twice in 2008, with one trip coinciding with the December holidays, and me having the absolute pleasure of travelling with Jason, who, at the age of thirteen, was a rambunctious traveller, eager to spend time with his dad. When, on February 1, 2009, my great-niece, Natalia (Jody's daughter), was born—on my birthday, to boot—I began to see things in a very different light. By the end of July 2009, I had resigned, and by December 2 that same year, I was in New Zealand.

Ties That Bind

If you're familiar with South Africa, particularly Cape Town, you'll know how spectacularly beautiful it is. Not without its problems, of course, the city is one of the best places to live. But, in the words of Vivian Ward, in Pretty Woman, "That's just geography."

"He aha te mea nui o te ao? He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata." ("What is the most important thing in the world? It is people, it is people, it is people.")

To join my most beloved family in New Zealand, I had to leave behind many loved ones in South Africa. Thankfully, we live in a time when we can message the people we care about with the press of a button, and FaceTime is among the most excellent tools available today. Video calling is the next best thing to being with someone you love, but you can't hug them, and sometimes, that's what you want to do most. That's what you need to do the most, and it's what those on the other end of the line often need more than anything else. Those personal connections are all-important.

2025 Can Kiss My Grits

On a personal level, 2025 has been a challenging year - one marked by numerous personal hurdles. The nature of close relationships is that we experience pain even when we're not the direct recipients of that pain. It is more painful sometimes to witness the hurt experienced by a loved one. Yes, we are affected too, but we're not at the forefront of that experience. When families grow and new generations emerge, dynamics change, but (if we're lucky), we remain connected to that family. We get to bear witness to that family's love, joy and success. But we also share their loss and pain.

My loved ones back home are going through an unimaginable tragedy at the moment. Out of respect to them, I will not write about it yet. I am also not ready to process what's happened through this writing exercise. Maybe I won't ever be. Perhaps this is not the right platform for that expression. I don't know.

What I do know is that I want my family to know that distance cannot separate us. Love bridges any divide, and in that beautiful South Africanism, we are "Stronger Together".

PS: As challenging as 2025 has been, it has not been without its joys and victories. For that, I am grateful.

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Random Quote

"It is when you give of yourself that you truly give." Kahlil Gibran.

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#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfhelp #selfcare #mindfulness #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma

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