Unlike many people who have undergone a transformative process, I did not have a life-altering ‘aha moment’, so I can’t pinpoint a definitive event that set me on this path.
I started writing this (specific) post over a year ago, thinking I would launch with the book referenced below. However, my anxiety and depression-induced procrastination, fear, and inability to self-motivate put a swift halt to progress. In any event, this self-help journey began to take on a life of its own. I ended up launching with I Had A Black Dog: His Name Was Depression (Matthew Johnstone) before dedicating three posts to Dr Joe Dispenza's Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. Both are very worthy books. However, a third book was floating around (more or less) when I read Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself. I kept dipping in and out of it because it felt like a natural companion piece, in a way, to Dr Dispenza's book because it is also about habits... little ones... atomic, if you will.
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions." (Augusten Burroughs)
For the better part of my adult life, I have fallen victim to the typical ‘new year, new me’ fiasco and failed every time. Of course, with that failure comes self-loathing, which in turn leads to self-punishment (beratement in my case), which then fuels depression. There is now a name for it: New Year's Resolution Stress, which comes about when we place unrealistic pressure on ourselves to achieve goals before the year ends. This can be damaging to anyone's mental health and can undoubtedly exacerbate things for those already struggling. If you'd like to know more about New Year's Resolution Stress, the NYRS button at the bottom links to an interesting article by Rachael Dunkel called The Psychology Behind New Year's Resolutions Stress.
Like so many others, a lot of my New Year’s resolutions were centred around weight loss, increased exercise, and practising mindfulness – all of which I believed would help with my depression and anxiety. I still believe this because it ties into my holistic mind, body, and soul approach. The challenge for me is to overcome the psychology behind New Year's resolution stress and the psychology behind me.
I always viewed myself as being overweight. My nicknames growing up were ‘pudding’, ‘moon’, and ‘bolle wange’ (the Afrikaans phrase for ‘chubby cheeks’). When I look back at photos of myself as a child, I wasn’t overweight, so I am not entirely sure where the insecurity came from. I have considered whether or not the nicknames negatively impacted me, but truth be told, I can’t say that I can trace my insecurities to that. As I reflect on those monikers used (primarily) by my extended family, I consider them terms of endearment because there was no malice behind them. But I digress. The bottom line is that, while I wasn’t an overweight child, by my early forties, I had become an overweight adult. I have never been able to bring myself to mention just how heavy I had become, though anyone with eyes could see. I hope to thoroughly examine this during my blogging journey and alongside a corresponding text. But in the interim, as we entered 2023, I knew that something had to be done, and for the first time, I stuck to a New Year’s resolution – if only for six months (initially). To go the distance and avoid New Year's Resolution Stress, I realised that if I was going to make any further progress, I needed a solid framework. Enter James Clear's Atomic Habits.'
A Small Shift (or, an 'Atomic Habit')
While in the throes of that 'new year, new me' farce, on New Year's Eve 2021, I purchased Atomic Habits by James Clear alongside Basic Maths For Dummies by Colin Beveridge (because, why not). Spoiler alert - I haven't read that either. From the time it arrived (around mid-January 2022) to the middle of 2024, I had only read ninety-four pages of Atomic Habits (a two-hundred and sixty-four-page book). So, once again, I had fallen into that trap of not finishing what I'd started. However, I subscribed to Clear's newsletter and followed him on social media so I would see these snippets of gems regularly, and the book was always in my periphery. One of the gems that stood out for me is the one below:
On Monday, the 9th of January 2023, more than two years after purchasing this remarkable book, I decided to lose weight and improve my overall well-being. On that Monday, I started the 18:6 intermittent fasting plan, and within four months, I lost 12.4kgs. During those four months, I did not deviate from the set fasting period of 6h30pm at night to 12h30pm the next day, so I fasted for 18 hours and ate (healthy food) within the six hours between 12h30pm and 6h30pm. This one thing per day began to compound, resulting in my first significant weight loss in fifteen years of trying. Strict adherence to the 'atomic habit' of a daily eating window in which I ate healthily yielded the results I was after. However, I made the same mistake I always made - I lost sight of the goal and slipped into old patterns that, by the end of 2023, resulted in me gaining four kilos. I was still down eight but disappointed in myself, and the beratement kicked in. Thank goodness another New Year was just around the corner, and on the 1st of January 2024, I tried to recalibrate. It did not go well. At the beginning of September 2024, as I picked up Atomic Habits again, I read through the first ninety-four pages I had read (and voraciously marked up). I was immediately reminded why I kept failing.
I focused on a goal when I should have focused on a system.
"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems." (James Clear)
I originally wanted to launch this written self-help journey with Atomic Habits because the book offers the framework I mentioned earlier (or system). I imagine that many of us need that guiding hand. In retrospect, though, it made sense to start with a book that detailed part of my struggle before spending three weeks on a text that got to the route of the problem, which is me and my approach to things. In next week's blog post, I'll work through the gist of Atomic Habits and how it can help you transform. As I neared the end of this post, I decided to use Clear's book to hold myself accountable (not just to myself but to anyone who has taken the time to read my posts). This journey won't have any meaning if it doesn't benefit or alter me. So, for an indeterminable amount of time, Atomic Habits will be a footnote on my weekly posts until I feel like I have conquered every bad habit I have developed. Via the practicable features of the book that I have (or will have) actively embraced, I hope this accountability exercise will hold meaning for you, too.
"I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me." (Adele)
I want to end this post with the above quote and some advice. Choose your tribe carefully. Someone I went to school with at the time the photo alongside this text was taken would constantly say that I was fat. I saw her ten years after we'd finished school, and the first thing she said to me was that I was fatter (when I was probably at my smallest). I don't know what motivated her to do that but note that I did not refer to her as a friend, and I have not seen her since that last encounter. Our paths are often complicated; unless someone has walked that same path, they're oblivious to our struggles. And sometimes, they're just mean-spirited. Hearing cruel comments about one's appearance in formative years can have long-lasting adverse effects on our psyche and can take a long time to overcome (if ever). If anyone makes you feel less than who you are (and you are worth a lot), they're not your tribe; you do not need to sit around a fire with them.
#selfhelp #mindfulness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #thereisnostigma #atomichabits #jamesclear
Atomic Habits is available to purchase at the affiliate link below.
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