Our Default State
- devabritow
- May 25
- 6 min read
What is this, exactly? Do we all have the same one?
By the time I'd finished Ethan Kross's book, Chatter, I'd resolved never again to pick favourites or herald any book as "the best I have ever read", even though the work would be a strong contender for either, if push came to shove. Just when I think a book can't be topped, another comes along that absolutely stuns me (in a good way). No matter the book, I have found value in every one I have read during this self-help journey. I have drawn wisdom and inspiration from the countless pages I have flipped through, and by the end of each book, I find myself chomping at the bit to tackle the next one.
So, yes, there isn't a single book amongst those I have read that is void of meaning, but I'd be lying if I said all books are created equal. Some are a cut above the rest, and Chatter most certainly sits among these.
Where possible, I prefer to purchase the hard copy of a book. Not only is it more tangible, but there's just something about turning the pages of a new book and enjoying the smell of the paper while simultaneously feeding your brain. However, with Chatter, impatience got the better of me, and I opted for the electronic version. On the plus side (of ebooks), the markup and note-taking functions are great, and it's so easy to find specific reference points because of the search capability. This is the only downside to reading hard copies. But, enough about my preferred reading format.
Bizarrely, the Apple Books version of Chatter didn't have a cover; instead, the first page and the one preceding the contents page had the Penguin logo on them. In lieu of a photo of the book, I opted for chattering teeth instead. It makes me laugh just looking at it, and since laughter is considered the best medicine, the image ticks two boxes—serving a purpose and constituting a win for mental health. I wrote about how laughter can positively impact our brain chemistry in the post titled Spoiler Alert..., which covered Dr Joe Dispenza's book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.
I hadn't heard about Dr. Ethan Kross until he appeared as a guest on The Mel Robbins Podcast. The episode (#287) is titled How to Stop Negative Thoughts & Reset Your Mind for Positive Thinking. Of course, I was hooked then and there. On the homepage of his website, Ethan Kross is described as "Author. Scientist. Teacher", but he is so much more than that. Most importantly (as far as I'm concerned) is that he is "one of the world's leading experts on emotion regulation". He is also a professor, a bestselling author and the founder of the Emotion & Self Control Laboratory, which hosts a wide selection of research papers centred around psychology.
Chatter is subtitled "The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It". The book delves into our inner voice - the ever-present mental self-talk that, if not reined in, can turn into negative "chatter" that fuels rumination, self-doubt and anxiety. In my post on Gwendoline Smith's The Book of Overthinking, I wrote about rumination and catastrophising. In the first instance, rumination (or excessive dwelling on negative thoughts) is a risk factor for depression and can worsen the condition. Conversely, catastrophising (in the context of anxiety) is the tendency to assume worst-case scenarios even when all signs point to the contrary. To perseverate on either rumination or catastrophising (or both) leads to increased stress and compromised mental health. So, is there a way out?
"A widespread cultural mantra of the twenty-first century is the exhortation to live in the present. I appreciate the wisdom of this maxim. Instead of succumbing to the pain of the past or anxiety about the future, it advises, we should concentrate on connecting with others and oneself right now. And yet, as a scientist who studies the human mind, I can't help but note how this well-intentioned message runs counter to our biology. Human's weren't made to hold fast to the present all the time. That's just not what our brains evolved to do. In recent years, cutting-edge methods that examine how the brain processes information and allow us to monitor behaviour in real time have unlocked the hidden mechanics of the human mind. In doing so, they have uncovered something remarkable about out species: We spend one-third to one-half of our waking life not living in the present."
Wait, what? I have been very outspoken about my aim to remain present and to tap into the power of now. I appreciate this maxim very much and have been striving for it for as long as I can remember. Reading the above quote in the introduction of Chatter raised my eyebrows for sure. Still, if you were to see the extent to which I'd marked up the book's intro alone, you'd understand that by page seven, I was already in the clutches of the work and was fully invested in what it had to say.
The central idea in Dr. Ethan Kross's Chatter is that mental self-talk is a formidable tool that, if left unmanaged, can become our worst enemy. It is the negative, repetitive cycle of thoughts that frequently arises when faced with stress or difficulties, and it can hinder performance, strain relationships, and negatively affect our health.
The title of this week's blog ("Our Default State") is also not a concept I had heard of before, but Dr Kross mentions it early on in his book, and in reference to a phenomenon that has existed since time immemorial. He writes:
"As naturally as we breathe, we "decouple" from the here an now, our brains transporting us to past events, imagined scenarios, and other internal musings. This tendency is so fundamental it has a name: our "default state".
I used to joke about talking to myself because I sometimes needed an expert opinion. Still, in all seriousness, we are constantly talking to ourselves, and according to Dr. Kross, we pay attention. The secret lies in what we are telling ourselves. A lot of what goes on in our minds is denigrating self-talk that has no basis in reality, causing us unnecessary turmoil and stress. The author references ancient Chinese Buddhists who "theorized about the turbulent mental weather that could cloud one's emotional landscape". Known as "deluded thought", those same Buddhists, amongst other lore, also extolled the virtues of our inner voice as a source of wisdom and spirituality. This is when the book became fascinating for me. The paradox of the inner voice is that it helps us to learn, navigate life and plan, but when it fixates on a problem, it can create mental chatter that blurs our judgment and ups the suffering level.
"Your labor-intense executive functions need every neuron they can get, but a negative inner voice hogs our neural capacity. Verbal rumination concentrates our attention narrowly on the source of our emotional distress, thus stealing neurons that could better serve us."
No wonder I feel mentally drained a lot of the time. Thankfully, Dr Kross's book provides several tools to help one manage one's inner voice. From distanced self-talk to mental time travel, reframing to rituals and environment and journaling, Chatter offers a step-by-step guide on how to find the best way (for you) to harness and manage your inner voice.
I read the book in record time, riveted from page to page and filled with excitement at the prospects of what adopting the lessons from the book could lead to. It's a workable model too, and Dr Kross breaks down all of the individual tools at the end of the book (he calls it a toolbox).
So, while I still appreciate the maxim of living in the present moment, I think these tools will help me achieve that goal.
Coming Up Next Week
I began thinking about this while writing this week's blog, flip-flopping between two books by female authors. I ultimately decided on A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie. Reading this book is sixteen years overdue.
#mindfulness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfhelp #selfcare #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma #wellness #chatter
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