That Funny Feeling
- devabritow
- Mar 23
- 6 min read
You know the one, right? That feeling in your solar plexus that won't budge. It's #anxiety, and for years, it has been the bane of my existence.
I began my post titled Mindlessness and the Fight or Flight Response with the following paragraph:
This single word is my shortest (sub)heading to date, but it's enough because when amid an anxiety attack, it's like nothing else exists but that anguish. All you can focus on is the visceral feeling of fear, and it takes a massive effort to work your way to the other side. It is at once overwhelming and debilitating and starts up that vicious cycle I mentioned in my previous post. Anxiety can appear as a symptom of depression, but similarly, depression can be triggered by anxiety. Of the two evils, depression is the lesser for me, and let's be clear: depression is no walk in the metaphorical park. On this self-help journey of mine, anxiety is definitely what I'd like to get a handle on first, but given that the two conditions feed off each other, I imagine that any work I do will help in both areas.
My thoughts and feelings around this have not changed, but I am working on reshaping my approach and building my armour.
Inspiration Finds You
I know someone who is a remarkable human being. Smart and funny, he commands attention effortlessly and holds a position of power in a very competitive environment. Despite this, he speaks of a demon he has had to conquer and keep at bay, and he made me realise that anxiety is the demon I need to overcome or (at the very least) fend off. I liked his use of the word 'demon' because it separates the problem from who we are, and we can dissociate it from our identity. Earlier this week, I considered the word 'demon' and was reminded of the Mel Robbins quote I referenced in Neural Darwinism: Survival of the Fittest:
"Stop saying 'I have anxiety'! Don't ever say that again. Regardless if someone has given you a diagnosis, and I have been diagnosed plenty of times and I have been medicated plenty of times. But don't ever say again, 'I have anxiety' because then it becomes your identity."
Robbins talks about the importance of how we refer to our battles with anxiety and depression, suggesting we say things like, "I feel anxious/depressed" instead of taking ownership of the affliction. This brings me to the book I'll be writing about this week.
Martha Beck was another famous person I knew only in general terms. Perhaps best known as Oprah Winfrey's life coach, the Harvard-educated sociologist has carved an impressive path for herself in the self-help space. A few weeks ago, I listened to her speak about How to Find Your Purpose & Design the Life You Want on The Mel Robbins Podcast.
I was riveted—so much so that I immediately bought four of her books: The 4-Day Win, The Way of Integrity, Finding Your Own North Star, and this week's Beyond Anxiety.
With Beyond Anxiety: Curiosity, Creativity and Finding Your Life's Purpose, Martha Beck explores the pervasive issue of anxiety in our society and provides approaches to managing it. That said, the book is, in part, a practical workbook that contains exercises the reader can work through. I'm still working through some of those, so this week's post will cover a single point only.
The Anxiety Creature
Some say creature, some say demon.
Early in her book, Martha Beck asks the reader to notice anxiety wherever it manifests in one's body. She asks that we "Focus on this uneasy feeling." I feel it in my solar plexus, a network of nerves in the upper abdomen associated with the fight-or-flight response. In the face of real danger, the fight-or-flight response performs a crucial function, but when self-inflicted constantly by overthinking, it becomes detrimental to one's health. I mentioned my friend's reference to a 'demon' because Martha Beck suggests that we refer to this feeling as our "anxiety creature". She also recommends naming it (mine is now called 'Lila').
Beck offers up some eye-opening statistics in the introductory chapter of her book. She writes that during the COVID-19 pandemic, people affected by anxiety and associated disorders rose from "298 million to 374 million". While these figures are staggering, there's an odd comfort in knowing that one isn't alone. I also believe there is strength in numbers. Over the last few years, people with shared mental health issues have been speaking up and reaching out - creating a community with a common purpose: management and/or recovery.
When reading a self-help book, I always appreciate it when the author speaks directly to his or her experiences. Beck writes, "But wherever I went and whatever I did, I was always, always, always anxious." I have pockets of peace, and while they are infrequent, I'm glad to have those pockets. With this self-help journey, I aim to manage the periods between those pockets of peace - shifting the balance to more extended periods of tranquillity and mental mayhem. In my last post, I mentioned that I haven't been able to identify any specific trauma in my life. While I recognise that trauma can be latent, I don't think that I'm going to have a massive breakthrough in any way. I don't believe that I have suppressed anything genuinely traumatic but am instead just struggling with what experts call 'small t trauma'. Conversely, Martha Beck has experienced intensely painful trauma, so I understand why she uses the word "always" three times in the sentence quoted above. Her story is easily found on the internet and that she has overcome to the extent that she has is incredibly inspiring. She is a shining example of Oprah Winfrey's quote: "Turn your wounds into wisdom."
Beck advises that while "living beyond anxiety is radically liberating", it "takes practice". She then goes on to share techniques that work. Spoiler Alert: they do.
Back to 'Lila' - the anxiety creature that takes up residence in my solar plexus from time to time. This is what she looks like to me. Timid and a little afraid - tentative even. I can't imagine inflicting any harm on such a cute bundle of fluff and joy. And that is Martha Beck's point (amongst many other equally good ones).
"Learning these skills starts with calming our own inner anxiety creatures... we naturally access similar tactics when dealing with frightened creatures... You might have used amygdala-quieting techniques if you've cared for a human baby, a puppy, a kitten, or any other vulnerable being... The anxiety and stress in your own mind and body can be similarly dispelled if you're willing to direct some amydala-whispering skills toward yourself."
I am incredibly hard on myself. While I've known this on a superficial level, I started to notice it when more and more people pointed it out. My go-to response when I'm struggling is to berate myself (or my anxiety creature), and it has gotten me nowhere.
"You've been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens." (Louise Hay)
There's that common thread again. In a similar vein, Martha Beck provides readers with an acronym: K.I.S.T or Kind Internal Self-Talk. So, that's my starting point. I'm going to try pandering to my anxiety creature and see if I can reason with it to the extent that it understands that...
I have learned so many things from Beyond Anxiety. While I knew what 'triggers' were, I hadn't heard of 'glimmers' until I read this book. Just like I first learned about aetiology and teleology in my post: One's Ideal Self: And The Pursuit Thereof, Martha Beck taught me about 'parts psychology' and IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems Therapy), an evidence-based psychotherapy. Over the last few months, I have been exposed to a multitude of books, concepts, ideas, writers, and thinkers. I may not remember everything, but I am undoubtedly building my armour.
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat, I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me." (Dr. Seuss)
Coming Up Next Week
Hhmm! I will have to ponder this for a day or two, though I am leaning toward Jeff Karp's 'LIT' (Life Ignition Tools). Don't hold me to it, though.
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma #marthabeck #beyondanxiety
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