Breakthrough
- devabritow
- 7 days ago
- 10 min read
"Every breakthrough begins with breaking the thought patterns that hold you back." (Alex Rivera, Mind Reset - 7 Days to Rewire Your Mind and Change Your Life: A Simple Day-By-Day Guide to Build Discipline, Confidence, and Clarity)
A couple of weeks ago, I mentioned a phenomenal book I had been reading and, if memory serves, I mentioned it in a subsequent post as well. I have since read the book in its entirety, and it will be the focal point of this week's post. Years ago, when I was in a book club, one of the ladies I was fondest of (Carol) said that books came to us when we needed them. Back then, I wasn't aware of the Emma Thompson quote, "I think books are like people, in the sense that they'll turn up in your life when you most need them", so I don't know if Carol was paraphrasing, but I believe (now) that it rings true. In the last year or so of my time in that book club, I went through a particularly trying time in terms of my mental health. While we mostly read and talked about works of fiction, the odd self-help or motivational book made an appearance there as well. Paolo Coelho's The Alchemist and Dr Spencer Johnson's Who Moved My Cheese? are two examples that spring to mind, but as I write in this blog post, I was closed off to self-help back then, and my journey was several years away from beginning. But begin it did, and as is the nature of journeys, they take as long as they need to take. Some destinations are easier (and faster) to reach, while others are a little further away and take a bit more time.
Over the last few months, I have felt a sense of peace that I haven't known for a long time. While there are spikes of (thankfully) brief anxiety, I have kept a tight rein on stress levels, my resting heart rate remains within the normal range, and there hasn't been even an inkling of a panic attack. Circling back to Carol's comment and Emma Thompson's quote, I truly believe that this week's book, particularly, came to me at just the right time. Yes, every other book and podcast I have listened to over the course of this journey has been a building block, helping to strengthen my resolve, but this book... this one hit differently.
Before I get into the meat of the book, I wanted to write a little about how I came to know about The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Michael A. Singer. I'd never even heard of the book until I received a message from my brother, Raoul, on the 28th of October. He wrote that even though he was only a few chapters in, he absolutely loved the book. Raoul added that he thought of me while reading it and knew I would love it, too. Given he's one of the wisest people I know, I ordered the book straight away, and within two days it arrived. My older, wiser brother wasn't wrong. Just a few pages in, and I knew that this book was going to be life-altering. It has made me think, and I know it will change my life.
"A brother is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit." (Unknown)
I have memories that stretch back to when I was two years old. Apparently, narrative memories generally begin around age three or four, often reconstructed from family stories or photos. However, my paternal grandfather died when I was two years old, and I have a vivid memory of toddling to his sickbed and him giving me a handful of pink musk sweets. My family often talk about my memory and how I can remember the finest details around any event - especially relating to my immediate and extended family. It can be both a blessing and a curse, of course, because while there are many things one wants to hold onto, there are other things one would rather forget. My first memory of my older brother, Raoul, is one I will never forget. He is three years older than I am, so he would have started primary school when I was around three years old. Of course, with the first year of school came learning to write, and one day he handed me a piece of paper and a pencil and had me practice with him. In what could only be a fluke, I wrote the number two - a single scribble on that piece of paper. Raoul jumped up, paper in hand, and, excitedly running toward the kitchen where my parents were (me in hot pursuit, of course), showed them what I had done with pride. More than fifty years later, and he's still my champion.
"A brother shares childhood memories and grown-up dreams." (Unknown)
Raoul is one of those people who (even) children are drawn to. He has an unassuming and, what I believe to be, an innate ability to pull people into his orbit with his open heart and ceaseless capacity for humour. Much like my late father, he's very often the centre of attention, not because he demands it but because he effortlessly commands it. I have never heard anyone speak ill of him, and it is not without a degree of pride that I call him my brother.
However, we all come into this life with our ups and downs, and Raoul has been on his own journey, too. Again, it is not my story to tell, but as he has traversed the path of his life to date, I have found myself learning from him and wanting to champion him in the same way that he championed three-year-old me and the adult she has become.
He and I have discussed many books over the years. I read Jeffrey Archer's Kane and Abel at age eleven because he was reading it, so I was following in his footsteps, just like I did when I copied the number two from his writing exercises. His recommendation of The Untethered Soul is different, though. It speaks to the recognition of a shared path, a search for deeper meaning and a desire to fulfil something within.
I wish my beloved brother well on his journey, knowing that our paths will continue to converge - in life, in lessons and in literature. For now, though, I am so thankful that he thought about me when he read...
The Untethered Soul
"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind." (Caroline Myss)
The Untethered Soul is a spiritual guide focused on liberating us from recurring thoughts and emotional habits, enabling us to experience greater peace, clarity, and openness in life.
Author Michael A. Singer suggests that the continuous inner voice in our minds is something we observe, rather than our identity. Our genuine self is the awareness behind our thoughts and emotions, and by observing our inner dialogue without participating in it, we reduce the mind's influence. This witness stance fosters freedom and tranquillity.
Singer asserts that pain stems from resistance to life events and from clinging to what we know, and contends that when emotions surface, the best course of action is to relax and let them flow through us, rather than repress or indulge them. The author continues that emotional pain manifests as a blockage of energy, and by remaining open, even in uncomfortable situations, we can release these blockages and restore the natural flow. He writes that true freedom arises from accepting life as it unfolds, rather than attempting to control outcomes. This is not about being passive, but about cultivating inner non-resistance. As we detach from the mind, a steady inner peace emerges, unaffected by external circumstances.
In a nutshell, The Untethered Soul assures us that freedom and joy reside within. By observing the mind, releasing accumulated emotional energy, and staying receptive to life, we free ourselves from fear and conditioning, entering a deeper, more peaceful state of being.
MY INNER ROOMMATE
I wrote ten pages of (typed) notes on The Untethered Soul, so there's certainly no lack of worthy topics to write about. I also had several potential blog post titles, but aside from the heading for this segment, I opted not to use any of them. By page thirteen of the book, it became clear that a fair portion of the work would focus on something I have encountered several times during this self-help journey: the Observer Effect.
I hadn't heard it explained quite like this, though.
While rooted in physics, the Observer Effect, in the context of mindfulness, implies that becoming aware of our thoughts, emotions, or behaviours alters them. When we identify with a thought (like “I feel anxious”), it intensifies. However, when we observe a thought (i.e., “I notice feelings of anxiety”), it often diminishes or fades away. The concept is fundamental to mindfulness and underscores that we are the observers of our experience, not the experience itself. We are not our thoughts.
Michael A. Singer uses the analogy of a roommate. From a personal perspective, the house may be mine, but I don't live alone. If I were to explain what the living situation is like, I'd say that if I'm after peace, my roommate is a party animal, and I live in anticipation of the next bender. To get my roommate to quiet down, I need to take a Mahatma Gandhi-like approach of passive resistance, and let go over and over again - never allowing any thought or emotion to take hold and have an impact on my psyche.
It is in this observation, this mindful awareness, that we can access the root cause of our mental turmoil and resistance to what is.
"When you have fear, insecurity, or weakness inside of you, and you attempt to keep it from being stimulated, there will inevitably be events and changes in life that challenge your efforts. Because you resist these changes, you feel like you are struggling with life. You feel like this person is not behaving they way they should, and this event is not unfolding the way you want. You see situations that happened in the past as disturbing, and you see things down the road as potential problems. Your definitions of desirable and undesirable, as well as good and bad, all come about because you have defined how things need to be in order for you to be okay."
The author writes extensively about why we do this, and his explanation has led me to the breakthrough mentioned in this blog's title.
On page seventy-three of The Untethered Soul, Michael A. Singer writes that "Fear is the cause of every problem". We overthink because "fear says so". We can't control what happens in our external environment, so we try to do so internally: we try to think away past, existing and future problems, which, of course, leads to more mental and emotional turmoil.
"The alternative is to decide not to fight with life. You realize and accept that life is not under your control. Life is continuously changing, and if you're trying to control it, you'll never be able to fully live it. Instead of living life, you'll be afraid of life. But once you've decided not to fight with life, you'll have to face the fear that was causing you to fight. Fortunately, you don't have to keep this fear inside of you."
I've been scared for as long as I can remember. Really scared, and of everything. This is the root cause of the anxiety I have experienced over many years. I have come to accept that it is primarily due to a fear of authority... of being reprimanded... of getting into trouble. It has carried over into my adult life, making me the people-pleaser I've mentioned before. It has also negatively impacted how I live my life. But, enough is enough. I don't need to think about any past experiences that made me so scared they changed my psyche, and I certainly don't need to be scared of the future. My track record of survival proves otherwise.
DUM SPIRO, SPERO
The Latin phrase dum spiro, spero means while I breathe, I hope. This timeless saying reflects optimism and resilience, highlighting that as long as life continues, there is hope for what lies ahead. Often attributed to Cicero, the phrase conveys a powerful message about human bravery and determination in the face of challenges, implying that one should not give up until one's final breath.
Breakthroughs are, by definition, revelatory. They open up a path forward. My hope, now that I have identified this barrier to my growth and happiness, is to obliterate it. I agree with Harvey Milk's quote: "I know that you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living." That said, I need a game plan.
ACTA NON VERBA
Acta non verba, a Latin phrase meaning "actions, not words," echoes the English proverb "actions speak louder than words." The phrase underscores the importance of demonstrating one's intentions or character through concrete actions and outcomes, rather than relying solely on talk, promises, or empty rhetoric. It is a call for integrity and accountability, emphasising that a person's actions are a more authentic reflection of their beliefs and commitment than their words.
If I have had a breakthrough at all, it is because I have remained steadfast in reading self-help and mindfulness literature. It is the one habit I have stuck to without fail, and it has reaped reward. I have long hoped to gain clarity on the 'why,' but it is my actions that have yielded the answers (and a single recommendation from my big brother, too, of course). The commitment to reading book after book, listening to podcast after podcast has borne fruit. The tree is still in its growth phase, though, so this isn't the end. Sure, I know a little more, but the work is only just beginning, and I'm looking forward to it.
RANDOM QUOTE
"Every meaningful breakthrough in life begins with a long season of unnoticed work. At first, nothing seems to move, but beneath the surface, your discipline is building a quiet momentum. Then one day, you cross the threshold - and what once felt impossible suddenly becomes inevitable." (Itayi Garande, Alignment Is The Key: Mastering The 8 Timeless Principles of Enduring Success)
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #thereisnostigma #youarenotalone #wellness #selfcare #mindfulness
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