"If you're searching for that one person who will change your life, look in the mirror."
I know I sound like a stuck record, but wow, is this week's book a goodie! It's so good I'm going to launch straight into it.
Mel Robbins' The 5 Second Rule is a straightforward but powerful tool for mastering self-doubt and procrastination. The rule states that whenever you feel an urge to act on a goal, you should count backwards from five and then do it. So, "5-4-3-2-1, GO!" By doing this, your brain won't have the chance to talk you out of it. The rule assists in breaking the cycle of hesitation and shifts your focus to action.
Tried & Tested
I've tried it this week, and, simply put, it works. I've used it to launch myself out of bed, tackle tasks at work, and, most importantly, control negative thought patterns. My problem, however, has never been trying and testing something; my problem has been a lack of consistency. While not a perfect synonym, consistency is, to some extent, synonymous with the word "habit", and if there is one theme that has come through most consistently throughout my self-help journey, it has been that of habit.
SHARED EXPERIENCES
One of the things I mentioned when I wrote about Mel Robbins' latest book, The Let Them Theory, is that she is so relatable. The author speaks to so many of my personal experiences that I often find myself shaking my head in disbelief and gratitude for the feeling of solidarity when reading her books because she nails nearly every single one of my life experiences. It is a well-documented fact that, when experiencing depression, the simple act of getting out of bed in the morning can feel like your life's most mammoth task. Mel Robbins invented The 5 Second Rule to get herself out of bed. The author writes and speaks openly about the struggles she faced that saw her relegated to her bed as a coping mechanism. This speaks directly to my own experience in that I have found myself - more often than I care to admit - seeking solace in the downy comfort of my bed.
"You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot have both." (Brené Brown)
The above quote opens Chapter Four of The 5 Second Rule. It stood out to me because, when considered alongside the title of this week's blog, it made me take stock of my everyday choices. By and large, I choose comfort. When in a depressive state, seeking solace in one's bed turns the figurative into the literal because it creates a physical comfort zone. In psychology, the comfort zone is a psychological state that creates a sense of safety and ease. Being in bed provides a degree of familiarity and comfort that offers a temporary respite from stress and anxiety. There are many articles about getting out of one's comfort zone, but I like this one.
Given that The 5 Second Rule is a metacognition technique while reading the book, I began to reflect on my thought processes and how I needed to shift them from thoughts of comfort to thoughts of courage. When in a depressive state, the seemingly simple act of getting out of bed becomes an act of courage: a single action taken despite fear or difficulty - no matter how challenging and uncomfortable. Getting out of bed is something we have to do every day, so for anyone suffering from depression, it becomes an act of "Everyday Courage".
"5-4-3-2-1, Go!" Be courageous and decide to get out of bed. This little act of courage can lead to even more. However, Mel Robbins cautions that while The 5 Second Rule is simple, it isn't easy. It will take a concerted effort, and you have to be consistent.
In my post on Gwendoline Smith's The Book of Overthinking, I wrote that my first thought upon waking is very often negative, and I am consumed with absolute dread. Mel Robbins writes: "As soon as I woke up each morning, all I felt was dread." I'm working my way through the first scroll from The Greatest Salesman in the World, and in there, Og Mandino writes: "... my desire to meet the world will overcome every fear I once knew at sunrise, and I will be happier than I ever believed it possible to be in this world of strife and sorrow".
Knowing that these struggles are shared experiences is comforting. It makes one feel less alone, and hearing about others who have overcome said struggles inspires me to (want to) do the same. Emphasis on the word 'want'. To want something isn't enough. I am going to have to do the work. Thankfully, The 5 Second Rule is the starting ritual I need. In the words of Mel Robbins:
"Starting rituals interrupt your bad default patterns and trigger new, positive patterns."
A lot of what prevents us from making any progress toward our goals is the way we feel. We may think about exercising, eating healthier, asking for what we want or taking steps toward being more mindful, but what we feel is at odds with that desire. Citing the neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, who said that our feelings make our decisions 95% of the time, Mel Robbins writes:
"Logically, we know what we should do, but our feelings about doing it make our decision for us. Your feelings will make the decision before you realize what happened. How you feel in the moment is almost never aligned with your goals and your dreams. If you only act when you feel like it, you will never get what you want."
Concerning starting rituals, Mel Robbins also mentions that the habit kickstarts the prefrontal cortex, which if you remember from the last couple of posts on Evolve Your Brain and The Let Them Theory, manages cognitive function. Mel Robbins writes about using The 5 Second Rule to manage anxiety, and, as we know, the management of anxiety is taught in cognitive behavioural therapy as a metacognition technique. I considered focusing on that part of the book but ultimately decided against it in favour of habits and tightening up my morning routine.
VICIOUS CYCLES & THE HABIT THAT CAN BREAK THEM
While I have had periods of progress throughout my life, my journey has often felt like Groundhog Day—a series of monotonous events in a seemingly unending loop. These books help, though. I learned from The 5 Second Rule that I need to disentangle what I want from the feelings around what I must do to get it. During those 'successful' periods when I lost weight or exercised regularly, consistency and habit helped me. I stuck to diets and exercise plans and reaped the rewards. Ultimately, I would be overcome by negative feelings and slip back into old habits that didn't serve me.
I think that conscientiously writing this blog every week is a testament to my ability and willingness to stick to a habit because I churn these out even though I sometimes feel like I can't manage, or I don't feel up to it or don't feel like I have anything important to say. But it becomes a little easier when I think about how much I love this process. I think about the catharsis it offers and the sense of accomplishment that comes with writing and posting one every week. I don't need to use The 5 Second Rule to write this blog, but it dawned on me why that is.
"Eventually I will find myself reacting to all situations which confront me as I was commanded in the scrolls to react, and soon these actions and reactions will become easy to perform, for any act with practice becomes easy. Thus a new and good habit is born, for when an act becomes easy through constant repetition it becomes a pleasure to perform and if it is a pleasure to perform it is man's nature to perform it often. When I perform it often it becomes a habit and I become its slave and since it is a good habit this is my will."
The above quote is also from The Greatest Salesman in the World, and I am once again reminded about the importance of habit. However, I had a deep-rooted desire and drive to start this blog, and once I got over the fear of launching my site, I ran with it. More importantly, I love it. The same can't be said for areas of my life that do require a push - areas like (physical) health, fitness and behavioural habits. This is where The 5 Second Rule comes in.
"This is precisely why the #5SecondRule is your ally. It is a tool for action and for behaviour change aligned with your goals and commitments. It is not a tool for thinking, and at the end of the day, you are going to need to do more than think if you want to change your life... You must push right through the feelings that stop you and do the work to break the habits that hold you back. And then, you need to replace each and every one of these destructive habits with a habit of courage."
In her podcasts, guest appearances and The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbins often references the sneaker brand Nike and its famous slogan, 'Just Do It'. The author encourages readers to ignore how they feel and act. She writes that while we can't control how we feel, we can choose how we act. "5-4-3-2-1, GO!".
I aim to apply this and her other helpful insights from The 5 Second Rule to areas of my life that need a boost. I no longer want to do things (only) when I feel like it because it doesn't work and will never work. From daily routines to one's approach to work, The 5 Second Rule touches on many areas of life where the rule can be applied. She even offers an eye-opening guide on how to structure your day. My focus for now, however, will be on my morning routine because how you start your day determines how the rest of it will go.
Coming Up Next Week
I'll work through the second book my niece, Amber, gifted me for Christmas. I know little about The Courage To Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, but I look forward to reading it. I imagine the book will be an eye-opener for a people-pleaser (it's me... I'm the people-pleaser).
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfhelp #mindfulness #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma #theletthemtheory #melrobbins
This blog has inspired me to do the same. 5.4.3.2.1 GO! I’m excited to cultivate some good habits too.