Memento Mori
- devabritow
- Oct 12
- 6 min read
A memento mori, which translates from Latin as “remember you will die,” serves as a practice, object, or artwork designed to remind us of our mortality and the unpredictability of death. By fostering a deep awareness of life's brevity, it aims to encourage us to make decisions that align with our genuine values.
In the face of the inevitability of death, how do we construct a life of meaning?
Synchronicity
The coincidence of multiple events that are not causally linked, but seem to be connected through meaning.
I didn't know until recently that Carl Jung coined the word 'synchronicity'. You may recall from my post, Paradigm Shift, that I also didn't know that the psychoanalyst's theories influenced the 12-Step Program that has become synonymous with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Jung and the co-founder of AA (Bill Wilson) engaged in correspondence that was compiled into a book called Carl Jung and Alcoholics Anonymous. In keeping with the theme of this paragraph (and post), my copy arrived just this week, and I look forward to reading it. But, for now, synchronicity has certainly been evident to me over the course of the last couple of weeks.
"Thou know'st 'tis common; all that lives must die, passing through nature to eternity." (Queen Gertrude, 'Hamlet', William Shakespeare)
A fortnight (or so) ago, I was listening to James Sexton on Steven Bartlett's The Diary of a CEO Podcast, and he mentioned Memento Mori and the Epictetus quote at the end of this post. I couldn't find the exact clip on Bartlett's page, but I did find it via @divinemotivation01 on Instagram and the post credits both Bartlett and Sexton. In last week's post, I wrote vaguely about the importance of Family. Vaguely because events were still unfolding, even though we knew that we were in the midst of an unspeakably tragic event. Yesterday we farewelled a twenty-four-year-old member of our family, and his passing served as a reminder of the fleeting nature of life and its inevitable end.
Family Ties
Growing up, my best friend was my first cousin once removed (Vicky). Her father, Angelo, was the oldest cousin (of twenty-four), while I was the third youngest. Vicky is a year younger than I am, and I think this photo was taken at one of her birthday parties. We would have been around the ages of five and four here, and until our mid to late teens, we were inseparable. But as is the case with life, journeys take differing paths, and we go where our individual destinies take us. We have, of course, remained in touch, and the bonds of family will never be broken. By the time she was thirteen or fourteen, Vicky declared that if she were to have a son one day, she'd name him Dale. By the time she turned twenty-nine, she did just that. I got to meet Dale when he was less than a week old. I held him, looking at his tiny face while listening to Vicky say that she was well and truly in love. I couldn't blame her. She would know that deep, unequivocal love for twenty-four years until last weekend, when a gunshot from an unknown source would end his promising life. It broke my heart, so I can only imagine what it has done to hers. In the face of this tragedy, Vicky made the courageous decision to donate Dale's organs, which have gone on to help seven people. He will go on to live in others, and Vicky will continue to know that deep, unequivocal love until she is reunited with her son.
It is hard to fathom that the little girl pictured above would come to know such deep sorrow.
Being so far from Cape Town meant that I couldn't be there in person, but watching the live stream of his funeral allowed me the opportunity to share in my family's grief - to lend support, albeit virtually. It also meant that I could see the impact that Dale had on the many people who mourned him... who loved him. And he was universally loved. The tributes, eulogy and anecdotes say as much. His legacy continues in how he lived, not how he died.
Contemplating One's Own Mortality
So, in the face of the inevitability of death, how do we construct a life of meaning? For a long time, and certainly before I started this self-help journey, I have contemplated why I have had so little respect for the gift of my life. Given the events of this past ten days, or so, my question has morphed into: 'How can I disrespect life when it is so often wrenched from others?' It is like laughing in the face of the most precious gift.
"One day I woke up and realized that I didn't have a life... it seemed that I was really bad at living"
It has taken me weeks to get through this book. Within three months, I resigned, unexpectedly received a job offer, and started the job, despite my original plan to take six months off. It has been a bit of a whirlwind, and I have necessarily had to make a few compromises. My last few blog posts have been based on shorter texts, or contextual posts, like the one last week, but this is an area of my life I'd rather not compromise on. Writing these posts is a catharsis—a therapy session that spans reading the texts and writing about them.
Healthy Brain, Happy Life combines memoir, neuroscience, and self-help. Neuroscientist Wendy Suzuki recounts a pivotal moment in her life around the age of 40: despite her career achievements, she felt exhausted, isolated, and out of shape, prompting her to make significant changes. She applies her scientific expertise to investigate how lifestyle—particularly exercise, mindfulness, learning, and relationships—can transform the brain and enhance well-being.
I have come to understand that the bouts of anxiety and depression I have experienced over the course of the last forty years have been compounded by harmful or unhealthy life choices. I know, from the multitude of books (and the countless scientific studies embedded in them), that incorporating better habits into my life will go a long way toward improving my mental health and, by extension, my quality of life. Yet I continue to wallow in the effects of the bad habits that hold me down. My (to date) inability to stick to healthy eating habits and exercise programmes has impeded my quest to attain the holistic mind, body and soul ideal that my Dad spoke of.
It's not like I haven't heard any of this before, but Healthy Brain, Happy Life has reinforced a few things, most of which I have covered during the last fourteen months.
Neuroplasticity
The brain is dynamic and can evolve, influenced by our habits, surroundings, mental activities, stress, and more. We can mould its structure and function throughout various stages of life. That is, our thoughts can change our mental and emotional circumstances.
The Impact Of Exercise
One of Dr Suzuki's key discoveries is that aerobic exercise (and physical activity in general) enhances brain health. It benefits memory, attention, energy, and mood. Even relatively moderate levels can lead to significant improvements. Suzuki connects her personal fitness journey to increased mental acuity.
Stress
The book also explores how stress impacts the brain, the detrimental effects of chronic stress on cognitive function, and how activities such as mindfulness, meditation, and intellectual challenges can mitigate or counteract these effects.
"To know and not do, is to not know." (Goethe)
All of what Dr Suzuki writes about is within my frame of understanding and within the scope of my capabilities. I know that making these changes can transform my life, yet I continue to live a less-than-ideal existence, plodding along from day to day, often forgetting how easy it is to make the switch. Yes, I have learned a lot, and those messages are becoming stronger and stronger - edging their way into my subconscious mind. But was it Gautama Buddha who said, "The problem is you think you have time"? We don't. At least, we don't know how much time we have. Memento Mori... remember that you will die. Live your best, most meaningful life now.
Rest in peace, Dale. Lots of love and healing light, Vicky ❤️
Random Quote
"Keep before your eyes day by day death and exile, and everything that seems terrible, but most of all death; and then you will never have any abject thought, nor will you yearn for anything beyond measure." (Epictetus, "Enchiridion")
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfhelp #selfcare #wellness #mindfulness #youarenotalone #thereisnostigma
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