No One is Coming to Save You
- devabritow
- Nov 9
- 6 min read
"Sometimes you're the only one that can save yourself; for no one is coming to save you." (R.J. Intindola)
I'm relatively new to The Mel Robbins Podcast. When I decided to launch my blog in September last year, my interest in varying forms of self-help and motivational sources increased, and I began looking beyond books. Up until then, I hadn't really listened to many podcasts—at least not with any regularity. However, the medium has become a consistent source of inspiration for these posts, and The Mel Robbins Podcast has made an appearance on more than one occasion.
By and large, I'd been listening to the newer episodes of her podcast, not based on the show's bi-weekly rollout but as the subject matter appealed to me. Last week, I decided to listen to her very first episode and start making my way to the most current ones. I'm still picking them based on subject matter, and I love how one can sort by 'unplayed', so I know precisely which episodes I haven't listened to. On Thursday, I listened to The Truth About Anxiety and How To Heal It: Tools for Anxiety From a Neuroscientist MD. The MD in question is Dr Russell Kennedy, who, like many of the experts Robbins has had on her show, I knew nothing about. Before the podcast was finished, I purchased his book, Anxiety RX. All of the quotes referenced in this blog is directly from Dr Kennedy's responses to Mel Robbins.
Frequently referred to as "The Anxiety MD", Dr Kennedy is a Canadian doctor and neuroscientist recognised for integrating clinical medicine, neuroscience, developmental psychology, and mind–body techniques to address anxiety, with a focus on chronic, somatic (“body-based”) anxiety. Perhaps best known for popularising the concept that anxiety is frequently "stored" in the body instead of being mainly caused by thoughts, his framework highlights that:
Conventional cognitive methods, such as CBT, frequently do not succeed for chronic sufferers because they focus on cortical content (i.e., thoughts) instead of subcortical activation (the feeling of danger).
There's a difference between alarm (the experienced physical sensation, such as tightness in the chest or a knotted stomach) and anxiety, the mental narrative that the mind constructs to justify the alarm.
Addressing anxiety involves managing the alarm (the body) rather than solely altering the narrative (the mind).
On September 28th, I wrote about vagal tone and somatic exercises in my post, The Nerve of It. The post highlighted the significance of the vagus nerve, which serves as a 'two-way highway' connecting the gut and the brain. To further reinforce the interconnectedness of the literature I've been working through, Mel Robbins has also mentioned the vagus nerve in her books and podcasts, referring to it as our "secret weapon". I was glad to be reminded of this when listening to the podcast this week.
The "Background Alarm"
So many people dread the physical alarm. The original, like the one on the left, the updated digital one with bright red lights, and the modern-day one that we carry around in our pockets and hands, like an extra appendage. It causes our day to literally start with the feeling of alarm.
The word is awful, the device is even worse, but the manifestation of that in the physical body is torturous.
Remember the amygdala, which is also referred to as the fear centre of the brain? When it fires, an alarm rises that leads to somatic discomfort. The prefrontal cortex interprets this, starts to worry and catastrophise, wondering what the hell is going on and just like that, we're in the middle of cognitive anxiety. And it doesn't end there. The fake narrative created by the prefrontal cortex increases the perceived threat, causing more danger signals to be sent to the amygdala, which results in increased alarm and greater somatic stimulation. A closed alarm-anxiety cycle is created. The closed alarm–anxiety cycle is a self-perpetuating neurophysiological loop in which subcortical danger signals (i.e, an alarm) and cortical interpretations (i.e, anxiety) intensify one another, hindering the nervous system from returning to its normal state. Isn't that just awful?
"...we have this thing that I describe in my book called Background Alarm, which is basically kind of old, unresolved emotional issues that are stuck in your body."
When you feel anxious, Dr Kennedy advises you to "find the alarm in your body". Much like Dr Kennedy, the alarm I feel is in my solar plexus (the yellow dot in the picture on the right). It's the place where anxiety manifests itself in my body, and it can be a latent feeling that is almost constantly there or an intense feeling that I would do nearly anything to be rid of. The author writes about this in his book Anxiety RX, so I'm particularly interested in reading more about his personal experience with that feeling of alarm.
The correct, anatomical name for the solar plexus is the celiac plexus, a dense network of sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves. It's situated behind the stomach and is one of the biggest autonomic nerve clusters in the body. The solar plexus is linked to the stomach, pancreas, liver, intestines, and adrenal glands. Due to the close connection of these organs with autonomic arousal, this area is a key location where stress signals are converted into physical sensations. Forming part of the enteric nervous system, which contains in the region of two hundred million neurons, the solar plexus communicates directly with the limbic system via guess what? The vagus nerve.
"All Anxiety Is Separation Anxiety"
I've said over and over again that I have not been able to trace the source of the anxiety I have experienced for as long as I can remember. Dr Kennedy has some thoughts about that:
"Well, if you drill it down, it's separation typically from yourself, but it starts with separation from your parents on some level. If you feel separate from your parents, the people that are supposed to love you, see you, hear you and love you. If you feel separate from them, it creates this alarm in our system."
Dr Kennedy also says that the feeling of alarm is our "younger self asking for attention". I maintain that I had a good childhood - not without its problems, of course, but I know my parents loved me and did everything they could to ensure that their children were well cared for. However, I have also maintained that I was an anxious child, uncertain if I was coddled because I was sensitive or sensitive because I was coddled. Either way, all of this is a lot, and it will require careful consideration on my part. In his conversation with Mel Robbins, Dr Kennedy encourages her to pay attention to the younger version of herself (by extension, as listeners, that encouragement is directed at us too). He reminds us that we would never turn our backs on a child in need, yet we often ignore our own needs, which is problematic.
"Your thoughts are like siren island. Your thoughts are trying to suck you into going, Hey, we have the answer. We have the answer. When all they have is more problem, you're not going to solve anxiety, which is basically a problem of overthinking with more fricking thinking, it's not going to work."
We've already established that thinking, particularly when anxious and/or depressed, doesn't get us anywhere. Dr Kennedy maintains that in order to heal we need to move out of the mind and into the body, which is where the solution is.
One of the saddest things to hear in the podcast was that children could have "pre-verbal trauma", which, while difficult to vocalise is felt in the body as alarm. They're not really sure what it is but the amygdala remembers - because it encodes everything - including birth trauma (I'm trying desperately not to start resenting the amygdala 😏). An even sadder thought is that we believe that we don't have childhood memories but we do, we just can't recall them.
"So that's where I have my alarm from growing up with my schizophrenic dad. So I will go into that alarm. I will try and intentionally give it love and attention..."
Have I forgotten something? Have I repressed something? I can't honestly say that I have but I know for sure that whatever it is (if anything), it won't derail me. On the contrary, uncovering it and dealing with it will set me free. Even if I don't reach any sort of conclusion... if there's no root cause, I can still work toward healing that inner child who keeps showing up in my solar plexus, reminding me that something needs healing. Dr Kennedy's quote above is a reminder that I need to sit with that alarm (not overthink it) and simply give it the love and attention it needs. Near the end of his conversation with Robbins he says, "No one's coming to save you. You have to do it yourself... But unless you do it for yourself, it's not coming from place that's really going to dissipate that alarm."
Hand on my heart (or solar plexus, in my case). I want to dissipate that alarm. I want to save myself. I owe it to my inner child and my future self.
Random Quote
"If you do not change direction you will end up where you are going." (Lao Tzu)
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #thereisnostigma #youarenotalone #mindfulness #selfhelp #selfcare #wellness
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