The Uninvestigated Story
- devabritow
- Jun 1
- 7 min read
If I were a sleuth, I'd be so bad at it because I'll happily look into the lives of those I admire, but I haven't properly looked into mine.
I'm impulsive. I've known this for a long time, but only gave it real thought while I was reading this week's book, which, as an aside, does not deal with impulsiveness at all. I'm not impulsive in the sense that I book flights to the Bahamas on a whim (I wish), but I sometimes make rash decisions about little things. Like buying books, for instance.
A Case in Point
Back home in Cape Town, I used to see a homoeopath/osteopath who was into all things holistic, metaphysical and spiritual. I learned about the Tao Te Ching in one of his discourses, and during one of my acupuncture sessions, he mentioned Byron Katie and said that he thought her work would appeal to me. If memory serves, I left the session, headed to the bookstore, and impulsively bought two of her books: A Thousand Names For Joy and Loving What Is. That was in 2008. Seventeen years ago. The book remained unopened on my bookshelf in Cape Town, in the cargo hold when I shipped my belongings to New Zealand, in storage, and, until recently, on my bookshelf at home. I hadn't so much as read the descriptive text on the back of the book; that's how impulsive I am. Someone in my book club said once that books come to us when we need them, and I'd like to think it's true of this book.
"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present."
Remember the above quote that has erroneously been credited to Lao Tzu, who wrote the Tao Te Ching? If you have read my blog since its inception on the 1st September 2024, you may recall the following words I'd written about the quote:
"While I don't know the origins of the first quote, I cite both of these now because, on my journey, I realised that there is a common thread amongst many beliefs, philosophies, doctrines, ideologies, credos or tenets. That common thread is mindfulness, something that has existed since time immemorial. From the Stoics to biblical references, ancient mysticism to modern-day self-help gurus, the virtues of practising mindfulness are identifiable in myriad texts. As I considered the alternatives to prescribed medication, I kept coming back to this one thing. Challenging as it may be, mindfulness makes the most sense to me, and I decided to start focusing on it. Or, at least, try to.
For some reason, I still associate the quote with Lao Tzu, although I no longer attribute it to him, nor do I know who to attribute it to, because there are mixed versions on the internet.
I bring this up now because Byron Katie's A Thousand Names for Joy is inspired by the Tao Te Ching. Not only that, Katie is married to Stephen Mitchell. Known for his translations of (complex) texts like the Iliad and the Bhagavad Gita, Mitchell also translated the Tao Te Ching into English, a version that went on to sell more than a million copies. He is also a coauthor of A Thousand Names for Joy.
I'm more convinced than ever that there's a common thread in self-help, motivational and mindfulness books, and reading this one has reinforced my belief that I'm on the right track.
So, what are those thousand names for joy?
In keeping with Taoist wisdom, Byron Katie's book is about acceptance, non-resistance and inner peace. The author emphasises that suffering arises from our resistance to what is (i.e. reality). A Thousand Names for Joy combines Western psychological inquiry with Eastern philosophy, although it is more about changing your perception of what is rather than focusing on spirituality.
The idea that we must accept things as they are can be a bitter pill to swallow when faced with significant trauma. However, this is a core theme in Katie's work, and she takes a radical approach to acceptance, regardless of the circumstances. She writes that peace comes when we stop resisting and embrace the experience, irrespective of whether it's a joyful one or a painful one. In keeping with the line from The Awakening, Katie is essentially maintaining that "Serenity is born of acceptance", so every experience is joyful and we have thousands (upon thousands) of joyous experiences.
With the help of her husband, Stephen Mitchell, who read all eighty-one chapters of the Tao Te Ching to her, Katie interprets Lao Tzu's work experientially, drawing on her own life and experience with depression and agoraphobia. In 1986, she experienced a breakthrough that she attributes to The Work, an exercise in self-inquiry and self-reflection. Since then, she has travelled the world helping people do The Work. This is the crux of the book and the part that is most relevant to me.
"Who Would You Be Without The Story of Yourself?"
"Stop saying 'I have anxiety'! Don't ever say that again. Regardless if someone has given you a diagnosis, and I have been diagnosed plenty of times and I have been medicated plenty of times. But don't ever say again, 'I have anxiety' because then it becomes your identity." (Mel Robbins)
On Page 54 of A Thousand Names for Joy, Byron Katie asks who we would be without our story - the one we tell ourselves. The question prompted me to reflect on what I identify with.
Over the last few months, I have made a concerted effort to watch how I refer to depression and anxiety when talking about my own experiences. I hadn't done this before, and I think it was detrimental to my overall well-being, as well as my self-help journey. It had become too prominent a thread in the narrative that is my life experience. Thankfully, I am increasingly mindful of what I think and say. I am neither anxious nor depressed. I have bouts and/or feelings of depression and anxiety for sure, but those feelings and experiences do not define me because we are greater than the sum of our parts. Mel Robbins said it best in the quote below - so well, in fact, that I have referenced it in two separate blog posts: Neural Darwinism: Survival of the Fittest and That Funny Feeling:
"Stop saying 'I have anxiety'! Don't ever say that again. Regardless if someone has given you a diagnosis, and I have been diagnosed plenty of times and I have been medicated plenty of times. But don't ever say again, 'I have anxiety' because then it becomes your identity." (Mel Robbins)
"Ultimately there is only you: you are your own suffering, you are your own happiness."
Whether it's Eckhart Tolle writing about The Power of Now, Ethan Kross detailing the detrimental effects of endless Chatter, or Martha Beck working with her readers to manage their mental health in Beyond Anxiety, the common thread is the mindfulness of one's thoughts. Byron Katie's The Work is a four-step system designed to help you do just that.
I started reading A Thousand Names For Joy last weekend, and by Monday, I had my first opportunity to use The Work. I had fallen into what I now call my experiences with anxiety: a pit of despair. I couldn't focus, and all I could think about was that I was heading for a catastrophic disaster. It wasn't... not even close. However, in that moment (I'm not sure if it was a frantic or lucid one), I excused myself from the company I was with, grabbed a pen and paper, and found a quiet space to write. After two foolscap pages of doing 'the work', I got up, and the feeling of intense anxiety had lessened. It was revelatory.
Katie writes that "...it's not people who frighten me, it's me that frightens me." The incident early this week is my second case in point. There was no basis at all for my catastrophising. None. But, in my mind, I was heading for disaster, and I began bracing for a fallout that never eventuated. I, of course, experienced all the symptoms of the fight-or-flight response. My heart rate increased, my breathing became laboured, I felt a rush of heat travel up my body to centre itself in my face, and I began wildly trying to fix something that didn't need to be fixed. The author continues that "All fear is like this. It is caused by believing what you think - no more, no less... fear is not possible when you've questioned your mind; it can be experienced only when the mind projects the story of a past into a future." 🤯
It is the practicality of these books that strikes me most. The logical explanation of the circumstances we find ourselves in and workable tools that can bring us out of it, if we put them into practice. I have mentioned before that I am a work in progress and that progress includes contemplating my heretofore "uninvestigated life". What a ride.
It is not my place to duplicate Byron Katie's inquiry-based method in my blog, but a link to the author's website is included in every reference to The Work in this blog post. I will, however, leave you with one final quote from A Thousand Names for Joy.
"You are the wisdom you're seeking, and inquiry is a way to make that wisdom available whenever you want. It's stressful to have ideals that you can only achieve in the future, a future that never comes. When you no longer believe the thought that you need to achieve anything, the world becomes a much kinder place."
Coming Up Next Week
I think Jeffrey Karp's LIT (Life Ignition Tools) will be a nice follow-up to A Thousand Names for Joy. He's someone I also came to know via The Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm looking forward to reading his book.
#anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #selfcare #selflove #selfhelp #thereisnostigma #thework #youarenotalone #athousandnamesforjoy #byronkatie
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